There are so many things that need my attention as I head into the last 6 weeks of my final seminary semester...I should begin reading for my final research paper...I should catch up on the reading for the class I'm auditing (and loving) about the Book of Job...I should be working on my MFC reading list.
There are simple tasks to manage, too, and even as I work this afternoon there is laundry in both the washer and the dryer, dinner is in the crock pot and is beginning to smell great, and my little blind cat has been in and out of my lap several times, demanding the attention she so rightly deserves.
Competing with all of the "shoulds" and tasks, both managed and unmanaged, my thoughts return to transitions small and large. I daydream about our move from New England to New Mexico, and I wonder about my transition from seminarian to ministerial intern. As I move across landscapes and time zones, what internal shifts might mirror these external crossings?
On a smaller scale, I move room-by-room in our crowded Boston apartment to consider what should be moved, what should be stored, and what should be posted on Freecycle. It is a different kind of walking meditation, and hiding among necessities and clutter are piles of "what if?" thoughts that interrupt my progress: "What if I store those bookcases and end up needing them in New Mexico? What if I store those books and they end up mildewed and unusable? What if I prematurely post these things on Freecycle and then have to spend limited funds replacing them after the move? What if I am a great seminarian but just an okay intern?" -- hey, how did that sneak in there -- and I remember, again, that I am contending with more than physical clutter. Just as I don't want the weight of extra boxes to impede our physical move, I don't want the weight of mental clutter to impede my continuing internal transitions, transformations, and integrations.
Amid the doubts and the certainties, the predictable and the surprising, transitions can be so full of the "what ifs" that we can become distracted from the "what is" also inherent to transitions. So, as a spiritual practice I'm going to spend some reflective time on this blog with both my "what if" and "what is" lists -- a meditation of discoveries and transformations.
92 days and counting until the physical moves begins!
